The process of divorce is inherently destabilizing for the children in a family. Everything from the living arrangements to the family meals the family has shared will now change, which will make them feel uncertain about the future. Children often respond to news of a parental divorce with anger, grief and anxiety.
Research into the psychological impact that divorce has on children makes it very clear that conflict is a major contributor to how hard the process is for the children in the family. How can you minimize disagreements and disputes in front of your children in a shared custody scenario?
Minimize in-person interactions
At least in the early stages of your co-parenting relationship, it will likely be best for your entire family if you and the other parents limit how much you directly interact with one another. The quicker and more efficiently you handle things during custody exchanges, for example, the less likely either of you will be to say something that starts an argument.
Communicate on major concerns in writing
Even if you only have to talk with each other briefly, an argument could still occur if you try to handle a sudden adjustment to your schedule or other important details during a custody exchange. Many parents find that committing to written communication for everything related to their children can help minimize miscommunications and arguments.
Using a parenting app or responding to an email chain can provide a written record of what each parent has said thus far, which can resolve some disputes. It can also reduce the likelihood of either spouse being particularly nasty toward the other.
Keep the focus on the children at all times
Especially if you have yet to finalize your divorce, you may feel tempted to mention a property division issue or similar concern when seeing one another for custody exchanges. Unfortunately, those important but largely unrelated issues can cause intense disputes between the parents and may turn what could be an uneventful handoff into a very loud argument.
Although it can be a challenge to adjust to a co-parenting relationship, when you make your children the focus of all your choices and have rules in place, you may have an easier time minimizing the conflict your children witness. Planning for a peaceful co-parenting relationship will benefit you, your ex and the children that you share.