Once you have reached the point where you file for divorce, she would likely prefer to minimize your interactions with your ex. Divorce is typically the last step after many months of conflict and possibly years of relationship to satisfaction.
The unfortunate truth is that when you share children, there is no such thing as a clean break. You will consistently need to interact not just until your children are adults but for the rest of your lives. You will have to see each other at graduations, weddings and first birthday parties for your grandchildren.
How can you develop a better relationship with your ex when the children are around?
Keep the focus on the kids
The easiest way to avoid conflict when you have to interact with your ex is to center your children in your discussions. Your communication should be almost exclusively about your kids and not about your personal lives unless those matters will influence your co-parenting schedule.
Don’t involve the children in the negativity
Does your ex always find a way to destabilize your schedule or insult you during custody exchanges? As much as you may need to blow off steam about the way they continue to treat you, avoid saying anything negative about the other parent in front of your children.
However true your criticisms may be, you can damage how your children receive your ex. They could also report that back to your ex, which could further damage the relationship between the two of you. Keeping your criticisms to yourself or venting them someplace safe, like with a therapist, will help you release those feelings while still handling interactions with your ex appropriately.
Think of your ex as a parent, not your romantic interest
Most of your negativity toward your ex will probably stem from how they treated you during the marriage. Now you are no longer spouses, the focus should be on how they treat your children. It will be easier for you to find things you like about your ex when you view them not as someone who was a terrible spouse but rather someone who is a dedicated parent.
Shifting your perspective, avoiding negativity in front of the children and keeping things focused on the kids can all help you establish a healthier co-parenting relationship with your ex after a divorce.